I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
