i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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