would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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