If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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