I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
