I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
