I puked a lego.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
