I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
