I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
