The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
