So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
