Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
