All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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