FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
