let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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