there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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