Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
