pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
