Banned from zoo.
Again?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
