i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
