I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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