smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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