I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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