Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
