how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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