Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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