Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
