Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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