There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
