I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
