If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
