you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
