Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Randomize
