I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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