Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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