we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
