I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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