He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
