By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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