Someone shit on the floor
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
