Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
