I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
