In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A+ Viking dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
