so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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