life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need a beard to bite.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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