I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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