one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
