Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He passed out mid-signature
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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