I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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