I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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