Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
