I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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